Happy Anniversary

Today is the day.  Two years - October 2, 2018.

We celebrate anniversaries - anniversaries for birth, weddings, careers.  I celebrate another special anniversary - the day I got help for my mental health.  The day I got diagnosed with two mental illnesses (and later a third).  The day I went home with a prescription and the encouragement to call a therapist.

Last year on October 2nd, I got a tattoo.  It is a lung - half flesh and half blossoms - in a lightbulb.

I made a promise to myself the morning of my doctors appointment in 2018. I sat on my couch in tears, knowing that I no longer have control over my life...not that I ever really did (but another blog for another time). I wrote a simple note to myself in my journal:

As long as I have breath, I will fight this.

As long as I have breath - 

As long as I keep fighting - 

As long…the light will always outshine the darkness.

Think about it.  In a room of light, if there is a flicker of darkness in the corner, the darkness doesn’t darken the room.  But in a room in total darkness, if there is a flicker of light, the light has the ability to light the room.  That’s what October 2nd, 2018 did for me - put light in the darkness.

In an unwell lit room, if you give your eyes time, they can make out more and more.  The amount of light in the room doesn’t have to change to help you see more - just time.

And that is why the blossoms of the lungs grow out of the lightbulb on my tattoo.  They grow around my arms - the light, the life cannot be contained by the darkness.

And this is why I celebrate October 2nd.  I don’t celebrate the fact that my brain cannot naturally produce a balanced amount of chemicals.  I celebrate the fact that the Light cannot be contained.  That when the Light is given the chance to shine, Its brightness will always overcome the darkness.

I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope. She will give herself to me there, as she did long ago when she was young, when I freed her from her captivity in Egypt.

--Hosea 2:15