Let Your Mess be Your Message
Over my faith journey I have filled many notebooks, journals, and pieces of paper with prayers, verses, and thoughts. I just filled yet another journal, and I decided to read over the more than three years of entries. I’m fascinated by the time gaps, where I slipped in my journey with God and watching the every changing maturity in my faith.
My favorite part though, is rereading prayers that God
answered. There were moments of
desperation where I felt as though I was drowning or trapped – and I was saved. There were moments of thanksgiving – and God
celebrated with me.
If I ever doubted the faithfulness of God, I don’t any
more. Seeing how true He has been to His
promises and how empowering He has been over the past three years takes my
breath away. There is no way I could
keep it all to myself. I’ve chosen some
entries that truly capture the ups and downs of the past three years, answered
prayers, and heart wrenching quotes and verses.
***NOTE: The emphasis
is how I actually wrote it. And yes, I
skip from 2012 to 2015 because (1) this is my blog and (2) I picked what I
wanted to share***
1.) “I’ll do whatever
it takes to get Your world back.”
April 24, 2012
God, I’m done. I’m done with this world. I’m disgusted by this world. I want my generation to turn off Facebook,
Twitter, and Tumblr, shut the bag of chip and take action. Lord, I am disgusted by who we are and what
we’ve become. I’ll do whatever it takes
to get Your world back. Lord,
take me, mold me, use me. I AM Your living sacrifice. If I must lead here on Earth, Lord, make me a
leader. If I must go to the top of the
highest mountain, carry my cross the entire way, and hang and die on that cross
like my Savior, then lead me there.
Lord, I want to see Your face.
I’m so sick of seeing Satan’s work, rather than Yours. Father, TAKE ME!!! If that’s what it
takes to wake this generation up and raise men and woman of God, then take
me. Romans 12:1
This was only the third entry in my journal. I honestly cannot remember what was so
upsetting to me at the time, but I think about how irritated I still get at how
quick we are to post on social media, yet so slow to take action to change the
world for Him.
2.) “I think I will
learn where God is leading me…”
July 9, 2012
I’m finally a
counselor at Camp
Penn.
Words cannot express how this simple journal entry became
something so great. I laughed so hard
when I read it because I remember laying in my bed at camp writing this and I
was reading it in my bed at “my senior counselor”-‘s house. I think the mystery of what I felt before the
campers came that summer was so much better than I could have imagined!
3.) “I ask for You to fill me up, to OVERFLOW!”
October 22, 2012
God, Your presence is
more and more evident with every step that I take. I just (inhale) “Be still” and (exhale) “and
know that You are God.” I know you are
working in me and through me. I pray
Lord, my words and actions are of You and not of this world. Father, I don’t have my act together or
priorities straight, but I want more and more of You. I ask for You to fill me up, to
OVERFLOW!!! Lord, I need You! I thirst for You! I want to give You everything and nothing
less than You deserve…
I smiled so much at this entry because on October 13, 2012 I
wrote about my inability to find God in my life and how I could never find time
for Him. Watching my faith mature
through His Word and guidance, amazes me.
4.) “Let Your Mess be
Your Message”
January 20, 2015
“We have to let God
take us through things and let Him work in us so our mess becomes our
message. Difficult things that we have
endured in our past prepare us for God’s blessing in our future.” –Joyce Meyer
I read this powerful online devotional called “New Day, New
You.” This is a quote form this. I’m seeing now how He has used my mess over
the past even 5 years or so. And I think
in sharing my “mess” recently with friends has allowed me use it as my message,
instead of a burden.
5.) “…because I don’t
know where to start”
January 22, 2015
Lord, I’ve let love
fall on my priority list, when you’ve commanded me to make it #1. I need Your grace and Your forgiveness as I
try to make it #1 again. Teach me to
love others with Your genuine, real
love. Guide me as I study, pray about,
develop, and practice love daily. Lord,
I need You to teach me this because I don’t know where to start. Amen.
Let’s talk about the Divine right here…in a few more entries
you will see I read Crazy Love by
Francis Chan and love comes up again and again!
If I doubt love should be #1, I’m just blind to my own heart.
6.) “Are you speaking? Or just making noise?”
February 5, 2015
Lord, I ask that when
I talk, I am not a noise, but a warrior for You. Let my words and heart have love, Your
love. Amen.
Right before this prayer are notes on 1 Corinthians
13:1. When I read a verse I write down
the answers to three questions: What
does God’s Word say? What does it
mean? What does it mean for me? I wrote for the last question “Are you
speaking? Or just making noise?” I think the questions still remain every time
I open my mouth.
7.) “…I long to be filled with longing…”
February 26, 2015
“O God, I have tasted
Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for
further grace. I am ashamed of my lack
of desire. O God, the Tribune God, I
want to want three; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be make more
thirsty still. Show me They glory, I
pray Thee, so that I may know thee indeed.
Begin in mercy and new work of love within me. Say to my soul, ‘Rise up my love, my fair
one, and come away,’ Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up form this
misty low land, where I have wandered so long.” –A.W. Tozer
I’m pretty sure I found this on Pinterest, but the entries
before and immediately following this quote capture the essence of this prayer
of A.W. Tozer. I think He used this
prayer to transform my heart.
8.) “…God is the size of all the oceans…”
June 20, 2015
“If my mind is the
size of a soda can and God is the size of all the oceans, it would be stupid
for me to say He is only the small amount of water I can scoop into my little
can.” –Francis Chan, Crazy Love – “Chapter 1: Stop Praying”
This is my all time favorite quote. I remember reading it over and over again in
awe of how I describe God as what is in my can, yet He is more than just those few
ounces of water.
9.) “When I have nothing left, let me choose You”
July 2, 2015
God, As this new
chapter in my life continues to speed up, I ask you show me your purpose for me
in Your kingdom. Let me see where I fit
into that puzzle. Let my LIFE,
and not just my words, be my testimony of Your great love. Let me actively
pursue you in my study of You in my daily words and actions. Help me get the feeling of You back. Teach me, oh Teacher, of Your love, Your
life, and Your Being dialing. Don’t let
me lose that again. Don’t let me let the
world take my heart. Let me live a life
set apart for You. Let me be vulnerable. Let me give You my wholehearted worship on
Sunday, like I do in my car and in my room.
Let me serve you. Let me
to the cross, Lord. Take me to where You
need me, where You need my puzzle piece in Your Kingdom. Let my relationships be a reflection of Your
love and grace. Let me not stop pursuing
You. Teach me to be motivated and hungry
for You and Your Word, Father. Help me make
the dialing choice of joy. Let my
life song sing for You. Thank You for
Your love, Your sacrifice, Your grace, and Your desire for me, my heart and my
presence in Your Kingdom. When I have
nothing left, let me choose You. When I
have it all, let me choose You. Amen.
Two weeks after moving out of Jersey ,
moving out of my parents’ house, and starting a new job, God hit me hard. I remember thanking Him for my new chapter in
my life, but I just lived a lukewarm lifestyle.
After reading Crazy Love, I
realized that being “lukewarm” and a “Christian” could not truly be done. I came to the crossroads of choosing God or
choosing the “lukewarm,” and God revealed the barriers standing in my way of
choosing Him (and I think the next few passages based on Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World capture this two week old
transformation of heart).
10.) “We serve…”
July 11, 2015
[Notes from Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World-Chapter 3: “The Diagnosis”]
We serve:
Jehovah Jireh - the God who
provides
Jehovah-Rapha – the God who
heals
El-Shaddai – an almighty God
I heard these words a lot growing up (thank you Mom for the
Amy Grant brainwashing), but never understood them more than just “Jesus
words.” I think most of you know, I hate
words, vocabulary, and the like, so often in books I read I have definitions at
the end of chapters I wrote down. Well
Joanna Weaver saved me some time and defined the words for me, and suddenly all
those words come to life for me.
Screaming “There is no God like Jehovah” at camp now has meaning for me.
11.) “…keep me
focused on the ‘one thing.’”
July 12, 2015
[based on Luke 10:38-42]
Lord, I’ve overloaded
my wagon and piled things on tope of you “one thing.” I’ve let life and distractions overshadow
You, Your Grace and Your Love. I ask
that you keep me focused on the “one thing.” Let me start my spiritual journey
in the Living Room and not in the Kitchen.
Amen.
I am Martha. I’ll
admit to overloading myself and keeping myself distracted from the “one
thing.” If there is anything that God is
teaching me right now, it’s to have a “Mary heart,” while serving like Martha.
12.) “He longs to
reveal his love to you.”
July 13, 2015
“But rest assured, God
will answer. He longs to reveal his love
to you. But you won’t find it by shaking
your fist in his face. You won’t find it
by barging into his presence and demanding to be treated fairly. You’ll find it by sitting at his feet and
remembering who he is.” –Joanna Weaver, Having a Mary Heart in a Martha
World – Chapter 2: “Lord Don’t You Care”
And here, again, is His love staring me in the face. God wants to fill more than my can, but I
have to sit and receive that love and understanding instead of demanding or
“earning” it.
Thank you for letting me share my journey with you all. Peace.
Thank you for letting me share my journey with you all. Peace.
To learn more about Camp, Joyce Meyer Ministries, "New Day, New You," Crazy Love, Joanna Weaver, or Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World please check out the "Resources" page.
