Beloved
The past year has been the most challenging, emotional year of my life. This time last year I started attending a new church all while beginning the downward spiral of two broken friendships. That transitioned to difficulties at work. All of this twisted with multiple moves, one of which was the purchase of my first house. Shortly followed by the death of my grandfather, but the restoration of those two broken relationships. And finally squashed by work stress to an extreme.
———————————————
The question I’ve been asking all through my walk with God - why is life so stinkin’ hard?! Two words…
The Enemy.
For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
--Ephesians 6:12
My fight the past year has been against friends, subcontractors I work with, realtors, doctors/nurses, and coworkers. I’ve been quick to point the finger at their actions and not at the actions of the one destroying my life - the Enemy.
You see my problems were with people, no, they were (and are) with him. The message he gave out of my relationships and hardships were that:
You are too broken.
You are not important
You are insignificant.
You are insufficient.
You are unworthy.
You are unwanted.
You are alone.
You are incapable.
You are not enough.
And I believed every single one of them. Until I found myself at a traffic light one night replaying scenes from my life. These labels were the things I kept hearing over and over again. I saw them written on my heart.
When did I become these things? How did I become them?
(Journal from September 4th, 2017)When did I become these things? How did I become them?
(Journal from September 4th, 2017)
Then I remembered something I read in the book The Broken Way:
Forget the face of God, and forget your own name is Beloved
--Ann Voskamp
As most of us know (probably from Pinterest hacks), permanent marker isn’t really “permanent.” And just as Sharpie falsely advertises their product, the Enemy falsely advertised my identity.
My journal continued:
But tonight...tonight God erased them [the labels]and replaced them with an engraved word on my heart “Beloved.” The Man of Highest Power, superseded those of manmade power with a word that proves I’m worthy, important, capable, and sufficient - beloved.
I’m worthy of His Love.
I’m important enough to be His child.
I’m capable through His strength.
I’m sufficient - to be used for His Will.
I AM BELOVED.
(Journal from September 4th, 2017)
